EPIC FAIL

Fortunately, it's not often that I do something that could be considered an EPIC FAIL. Unfortunately, last night was one of those times.

When brewing beer, the fermentation step happens in a large vessel called a carboy (generally a 6.5 gallon one for a 5 gallon batch of beer). I actually have 2 of the things, a glass 6.5 gallon first stage fermenter, and a glass 5 gallon second stage (since the volume and activity of beer fermentation decreases after the first stage). Or, should I say, I HAD 2 of the things...

Lincoln came over last night and we were brewing a recipe called Black Rose Oatmeal Stout. We had set up my new turkey-fryer-conversion propane-based boiler outside and boiled a full 5-gallon batch. We cooled it and transferred it to the fermenter. I picked it up and shook it to aerate it. I set it back down on the kitchen mat. And the fermenter shattered. And I do mean shattered.

5 gallons of beer wort flooded my kitchen and mixed with the blood from my now-wounded-by-glass-fragments hand. It took most of the towels and blankets in our house to sop up all the beer. That was mostly Lincoln and Erica. I was standing there applying paper-towel pressure to my bleeding hand and attempting to help while they told me to sit down.

It took us at least a couple hours last night, and three or so more today to get our kitchen to the point where it no longer smells like beer slowly going bad. But now I'm at the point where I have no primary fermenter, so the brewing is on hold until I pick up a new one (maybe plastic, this time...).

Long story short, my last batch of beer brewing = EPIC FAIL.